What is sexual integrity? “It is to consistently live your life with the highest moral sexual standards -- consistently guarding your mind, will and emotions from sexual impurity. The word integrity means whole, undivided, and void of hypocrisy. To have sexual integrity is to be the same in the dark as you are in the light – not double-minded with contradictory thoughts, word, and deeds.”
Where do we begin? Let’s begin with a typical client story. Susie comes to the Pregnancy Center and has a positive pregnancy test. Through the support and encouragement of the Center she decides to carry to term and parent her child. The process she experienced was surely a life changing event and should have brought a change in sexual behavior. Unfortunately, four months later Susie returns several times for additional pregnancy test. She is counseled on abstinence, relationship issues, risk of sexually transmitted diseases and God’s plan for sex and marriage. Then her life begins to plummet as she continues to make bad choices.
Susie, like the majority of our clients, are having sex with someone other than a spouse. Those who come as clients have similar conditions; they are either sexually broken or are lacking sexual integrity and sexual wholeness. The outcome of their test may differ, but they all come with the same root ailment, sexual brokenness. The root cause is that we are all created with three inner needs for love, significance, and security. When one or more of these needs are not met, we can have a “hole in our heart” that we’re trying to fill with the wrong things.
We are created and designed by a holy God. “So God created man in his own image; in the imagine of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion…” (Genesis 1:27, 28). God created sex and declared it “good.” We are able to enjoy and bring joy to God’s heart when we use this gift in the manner in which it was given.
Where does sexual integrity begin? It begins with you and me. The first step toward the success of children in the area of sexual purity is the spiritual inheritance they receive from their parents. The first step for parents is to accept responsibility for their own sexuality. The acceptance of this fact is key in parents assuming their proper roles in discipline and teaching their sons and daughters in this vital part of their lives.
Fathers must recognize that their influence involves more than their words. He must do more than tell his children not to have sex before marriage if he intends to fulfill the intent of Deuteronomy 6:6-7. “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up”.
There would be no point in dad telling his children to be pure, if he has an impure life. His hypocrisy (even if it’s done in secret) will not have the impact as that of a godly spokesman whose living a life that’s genuine and reflective of his moral values and standards. It’s important for a father to have discipline in regards to his eyes. He will teach his son the proper respect for the physical beauty of a godly woman and the rejection of a counterfeit that’s designed to lure him away. Dad need to have the primary role with his son in the area of sexual purity. A father’s position is to work with his son in establishing personal standards and disciplines for his social life. Christians in the church or school can form only a part of the parents’ support system in this area. They can’t serve as substitutes.
A father need to realize that if he doesn’t maintain an atmosphere of respect, acceptance, and security, his daughter may look to other men to fulfill these needs. Daughters need to know that dad’s protection and provision is limitless. Dads should be involved in working with and supporting their wives in the details of discussing sexuality and standards. One of the most important examples that a father can set for his children is that of a healthy, loving and enjoyable relationship with his wife. Part of their security comes from seeing that mom and dad love and enjoy each other. Parents play a vital part in how their sons and daughters will view love, sex and marriage. As parents we must take our God-given responsibility back and make sure our children know what the Bible says.
There are many single parent homes where the father is not apart of the child’s life and alone the mother must guide the children in the area of sexual purity. The best male support for a mother in these circumstances may be her father. It is important for a single mother to establish a close relationship with a local church. With prayer and the wise use of resources a mother can succeed in training her children to live a life of sexual integrity.
*Susie: not actual client
*Sexual Integrity – June Hunt
*Sharing the Value of Sexual Purity – Catherine Wood
Zsa Zsa Johnson serves as an Advisor to the Virginia Christian Alliance and is employed with the Pregnancy Support Center of the Tri-Cities and currently holds the position of Executive Director. The Pregnancy Support Center is a non-profit 501 C-3 volunteer supported ministry called to affirm the sanctity of human life by offering free and confidential services to women and families in pregnancy related crisis.