Virginia Christian Alliance

Read Our Mission Statement
Sep 20th

Godly Relationships

Part Two: How To Identify Unresolved Anger and Resentments

Tom C Lacy cropped

In my seminary course on sermon preparation the author of the book made an interesting statement in his introduction. He said, “Words do not have a meaning – they have a usage.”

Of course they have a meaning and a definition, but he was pointing out a valuable lesson to would-be Bible teachers and preachers. You need not only know the definition of the words you use, but you must know the full range of their usage.

Although my grammar is not always A+, I work overtime to extract the full meaning/usage of key words in my statements – more especially in this lesson.

My closing statement last time was: “Maybe these words – image and glory - have a different connotation in Greek than they do in English.” I was trying to get out from under the full responsibility of being a male. I didn’t ask to be born a male, but having been selected by God to be one I had the responsibility to live as He intended all men to live.

Read more ...

Part One: How To Identify Unresolved Anger and Resentments

Tom C Lacy cropped

Unresolved anger and unresolved resentments are two major sources of unresolvable problems. In the previous article we labeled them as junk in our trunk. Unless we empty this trunk the contents spill over into many of our relationships. In a previous article we learned to forgive without forgetting. In this tool we will pull all of this together.

We’ve examined the five levels of anger, namely; mild irritation, indignation, wrath, fury and rage as defined by Dr. James Dobson. It was noted indignation was a major obstacle in that it plays itself out as a slow burn or un-forgiveness.

 Resentments are not that acutely defined. Resentments align themselves with seven levels of relationships. Before defining them we need to understand God’s divine line of authority as spelled out in 1st Corinthians 11:7.

Read more ...

Life’s Four Tires: Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual

Tom C Lacy cropped

Like many vehicles human life, figuratively speaking, runs on four tires delineated as physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

To illustrate this principle consider a common occurrence – a vehicular flat tire. From this illustration we discern the human application.

If, while driving an automobile, a flat tire occurs one of two things follows:

  1. The automobile becomes difficult to control
  2. We slow down and stop – if possible.

In the worse case scenario, that is one cannot get out of the line of traffic, they must continue to keep pace with the flow of traffic. Continuing to run on a flat tire adds the risk of ruining other tires. One flat tire may ultimately become two or more flat tires.

Read more ...

Words Set In Motion Those Things Which Are Spoken

Tom C Lacy cropped

 Editor's Note: This is Part 9 of Reverend Lacy's ongoing series of Godly relationships and you can find the entire series under his page here.

Proverbs 23:7a teaches:  

“For as he (Hebrew:  a primary word, 3rd person pronoun,     singular, he (she or it) thinketh in his heart, so is he:….”

This Proverb is Literal

A psychology professor expressed it this way:  “Words set in motion those things which are spoken.” My forty years of teaching/counseling has proven this to be true whether we think this “in our heart” about our selves and others or express it verbally.

Read more ...

What Is On the Inside of You Makes a Difference in What You Hear

Tom C Lacy cropped

What is on the inside of you makes a difference in what you hear. What you just read you are processing through what you know regarding this statement.

As you read what I have written you will evaluate my knowledge on this subject. As you continue to read you will ultimately decide whether or not you can believe me, or more especially, whether or not you can trust me.

There is nothing wrong with doing so. In fact, this is what should do.

During thirty plus years of Bible-based counseling many have asked what have been my most difficult cases? My answer is simple: Teaching biblical truth to those who have been indoctrinated with biblical untruth.

Read more ...

Blame Keeps Wounds Open – Only Forgiveness Heals

Tom C Lacy cropped

This tool, coupled with the two preceding tools: Anger Wants Someone Else to Pay; and The Bowl that Holds the Acid (Anger) is Eaten by the Acid (Anger) creates a tremendous trio for those intent on solving problems and conquering anger.

We must understand how blame keeps wounds open. Blame, like anger, operates on a continuum. Anger wants someone to pay. Blame is the continuation of extracting payments by playing the blame-game.

It is said the oldest form of problem solving is blame shifting. Follow this account from Genesis 3:11-13:

Read more ...

Communication: A Two-way Street

Tom C Lacy cropped

 It has long been stated opposites attract. The Number One reason for divorce is incompatibility. The Number One reason people come to New Hope Counseling Service, simply stated, is: We have a breakdown in communication.

These scattered letters I, L, E, N, T, S are emblematic of two aspects of conversation. Unscrambled they spell Silent and Listen. In the realm of verbal communication what is said often comes across garbled. Hence we hear such responses as: “What did you say?” “What do you mean?” “Why are you saying that that way?”

In an automobile sales training class I learned a valuable lesson applicable and beneficial in all areas of life – personal, social and professional.

 In the context of selling the lesson was: If you listen carefully the prospect will tell you how to sell them an automobile.

Read more ...

Anger Management – God’s Way

Tom C Lacy cropped

We can change our actions faster than we can change our feelings. Love is not just feelings it is also actions. John 3:16 does not say, For God so loved the world that He felt good about us. God so loved the world He went into action regarding our need by giving.

John 3:17, perhaps not as well known as 3:16 supports this problem-solving tool. “For God sent not his son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.”

The following scenario illustrates changing actions faster than feelings and may have been experienced by some reading the following illustration:

Feuding, fussing and verbally fighting

Read more ...

How to Attack the Problem and Not the Person, Part II

Tom C Lacy cropped

Counselees, former and current, say this is the most valuable problem-solving tool in my problem-solving-tool-kit. And I agree.  This tool is built on the time tested proven axiom:  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  If we prevent problems from developing we do not need to seek a cure.  This tool is easiest taught in the context of husbands and wives. From these illustrations the tool can be adapted to fit many other areas where problems occur.

Read more ...

How to Attack the Problem and Not the Person, Part I

Tom C Lacy cropped

As previously stated, every impact statement is a tool. This tool, however, is the first of three primary tools in this overall study on problem solving. It is built on the age-old premise: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

The best way to solve a problem is to prevent it from occurring. This approach is best applied when we understand the four primary sources of problems.

Author’s Note: In Bible research I developed a tracking method I call The Rule of Proportion, i.e. how many times does a particular incident occur in Scripture. The Rule of Proportion gives an idea of the probability of similar events re-occuring. This is vital to understand in counseling as many often ask, “God, why did you let this happen to me?”

Read more ...

Three Things People Do To Solve Problems That Do Not Work And Why They Do Not Work

Tom C Lacy cropped

In the problem solving process a person’s objectivity is often based on their most recent experience. Don’t disregard all past experiences, for in doing so, we put an axe to the axiom experience is the best teacher. However, what worked in the past might not be workable for the present or the future. Past experiences could be elements of current problems.

Read more ...

Problem Solving 101

Tom C Lacy cropped

The three levels of a problem are the Presentation, Performance and Preconditioning. Knowing these predictable stages expedites problem solving. Remember, we will never be without problems yet we need never be without a solution.

Problems come from many sources that initially we process internally. We acknowledge them first by giving them thought then by giving them a name or assigning them to someone or something. As the thought germinates we state it verbally to someone. That someone could be the person we believe to be directly involved in the problem as we see it or someone selected to be a sounding board.

Read more ...

Problems Are Solutions in Disguise

Tom C Lacy cropped

This may seem an over simplification of all you have struggled with for perhaps too long – but it is not. For every problem God has a solution. The first step in solving problems is giving the problem the correct name.

As a Bible-based teacher/counselor it is not my calling to name people’s problems. It is up to them to tell me what they are experiencing. From their descriptions the problems will actually name themselves.

Read more ...

Search by Keyword


The Interfaith Series Crisis

Video Sanctity of Life, Racism, Abortion

Proverbs 24, verses 11 and 12 Deliver those who are drawn toward death, And hold back those stumbling to the slaughter. If you say, “Surely we did not know this,” Does not He who weighs the hearts consider it? He who keeps your soul, does He not know it? And will He not render to each man according to his deeds?

VIDEO Sanctity of Life Epidemic

Copyright ©2017 Virginia Christian Alliance, Inc.
Privacy Policy | Contact Information
Site by BCS

Sign up for Our Weekly Newsletter!

Stay up-to-date on core biblical issues

Receive Alerts and Event Notices
No spam! I promise!