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Thursday
Aug 16th

Godly Relationships

A Negative Approach to a Positive Response

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The title of this tool is a play-on-words. It is built upon the last tool we learned. We looked at 12 words that can heel relationships: I am wrong. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.

In our last lesson we concluded this is what to do. Now we will learn how to put this together for an effective delivery. Remember, the best way to defeat the enemy is to make a friend of them.

The A, B, Cs for Handling Communication Breakdowns

These are the two primary ways people handle communication breakdowns.:

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The Hardest Thing to Give is IN

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Giving in is not giving up. Biblically speaking, giving in is giving over to God’s way toward resolution and reconciliation. As a jail chaplain I often taught a lesson I entitled: How is the Best Way to Defeat Your Enemies.

As you might imagine, occasionally an inmate would blurt out, “Kill him.”

Because I got that answer from time to time, I would respond with this question, “What are you in for?” More often than not they were in for a violent crime against an individual – even murder.

To move the lesson along in a positive direction, I would ask, “How would you like to learn how to defeat an enemy without incurring negative consequences – make a friend of them.”

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Breaking Down the Walls of Resentments

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We could subtitle this tool:  Managing My Memories.

          In an earlier lesson we learned we can forgive even though we cannot forget. It was pointed out that through prompting or provocation we will recall almost all that our five senses, seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling and tasting, have stored in our memory banks.

          It is a good thing we can do this because by this means we mature. But if we keep recalling unresolved anger and resentments we will remain in an unsettled state of frustration.

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Whose problem is it? Did I cause it? Can I help?

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Breaking down our walls of resentments is an on going, almost daily, process for several reasons.

Last time we introduced the process of listing our unresolved anger and resentments in the categories that affect us most adversely. As we work through this process, the mind will release them over a period of time – sometimes individually, sometimes in lump sum or collective clusters and sometimes in a mixed bag of both earlier and recent issues. And at each juncture we will have to deal with hurtful and sometimes forgotten memories.

Caution: As you are mentally and emotionally working through this process, do not try to make amends immediately upon recognizing a need or urge to do so.. Give yourself time to heal. Remember the lesson: Attack the problem and not the person.

Evaluation is an important part of the healing process from breaking down the walls of resentments. To facilitate this process we will need to apply the answers to these questions:

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Defining Walls of Resentments

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 As we go through life we build walls of resentments that are designed to protect us from hurt, rejection, fear, loneliness and other circumstance related issues. However, in time, we realize we are imprisoned by our own walls of protection; but are afraid to get out from behind them for fear of experiencing the unpleasant things that caused us to build them in the first place.

            I’ll resort to a silly illustration to teach this complicated dilemma. From the mug-shot accompanying this article you see I am bald. This doesn’t bother me, but it is a major issue for many. For the sake of illustration, let’s say I am bothered by this condition.

            What do I do? I see at least three options.

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