Without a doubt, today perhaps more so than ever, the family unit is under severe attack. The Christian family, in particular, is under attack at times by so-called religious- based groups who ignore God’s plan for the family.

      The foundation of the family, as Christians know it to be, was laid in the Garden of Eden. We learn this from Genesis 2:24:

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife:  and they shall be one flesh.”

      Dr. Ed Wheat in his book, Love Life:  For Every Married Couple, says, “These twenty-two words sum up God’s entire teaching on marriage. All else that is said emphasizes or amplifies these three fundamental principles originated here, but never changes them in the slightest.”

      Today "submission" is often viewed as a curse word making the following biblical principle difficult to grasp.

      Why The hurdles to understanding are due to a misapplication of definitions, usage and context.

      This biblical principle, or tool, states:

Submission

If you submit, God is in control.
If you resist, others are in control.

      Note:  The words wife and husband do not appear in this biblical principle.

      A continuing theme in this series has been:  An Ounce of Prevention is Worth a Pound of Cure.

      This lesson logically follows that which was taught regarding a breakdown in communication in any relationship but here specifically in marriages.

      When a couple reaches a point in communicating where they say literally or figuratively I don’t, can’t or won’t they must return to a point where they can say “I do.”

      We couple this time-tested truth with the following question:  What Christian would abuse another when practicing the Word of God The answer is obvious.

Recently we have been looking into several aspects of communication breakdown that is the Number One reason people come to New Hope for instruction and counseling.

      What do we, as a counseling ministry, when two people who once said, “I do,” now say:  I don’t, I can’t or I won’t

      Before embarking on the mechanics of the solution two parties at odds with each other need to examine their commitment to healing the here-to-fore unresolved issue(s).

      To help them arrive at their individual level of commitment to their marriage we give them a piece of paper on which is written four words in this configuration

       This is a calculated approach that must have total commitment in order for it to succeed.

      Although the word calculate doesn’t appear in the KJV of the Bible the principle is taught plainly by Jesus as recorded in Luke 14:28:

      “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth (Greek:  psephizo:  generally, to compute) the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it”

      The Number One reason married couples come to New Hope Counseling Service is, “We have a breakdown in communication.”

      Communication breakdown is not confined to marriage relationships. If you can talk you have the potential for a communication breakdown.

      Politeness and civility take a backseat when two or more disagree on any given subject at any given time in any given arena.

      Last time we asked this question:  How do you maintain the proper balance of the normal security and significance needs of the husband and wife after marriage – know what these needs are before getting married

      This statement begs one further question:  Suppose you did not get premarital counseling 

      More than half the couples coming to us for counseling did not go through premarital counseling. Over the past 30 years this ministry has proven putting married couples through premarital counseling is most productive.

In the last session we learned males and females are equal but that they are different. They are equal because both were created in the image of God according to Genesis 1:27: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him, male and female created he them.

            In this session we will begin to look at how, although equal, they arte different in so many aspects. The first of the differences we will observe is their differences in human personal worth.

            Personal worth is made up primarily of two elements: Security and Significance. Although there are elements of both in females and males proportionally they are different. Follow this simple illustration.

            If we could weigh a woman’s personal worth on a set of balance scales we would see she weighs heavier on the Security side and lighter on the Significant side. Although, as a female, she needs an element of Significance she needs a greater amount of Security to balance her female profile.  

In this session we learn males and females are equal but they are different. This is not new information for most people, although I do not recall hearing a sermon on this aspect of marriage. But what is new is how this plays out in the realm of problem solving between a husband and his wife.

            Someone said there are no marriage problems; there are singles problems carried into marriages. In counseling, I deal with this in premarital counseling so they don’t affect the marriage.

Know What Makes Your Spouse Tick Not What Ticks Your Spouse

            The above caption will be a continuing theme for the next several lessons.

            This title evokes many thoughts – some positive and some negative.

All we have learned thus far regarding problem solving and dealing with communication breakdowns are applicable between husbands and wives. However, the arena in the marriage relationship is different from any other arena of human relationships.

Dr. Ed Wheat, M.D. in his classic book, Love Life, for Every Married Couple © 1980, makes a most declarative statement regarding marriage: