Godly Relationships

Part Two: How To Identify Unresolved Anger and Resentments

Part Two: How To Identify Unresolved Anger and Resentments

In my seminary course on sermon preparation the author of the book made an interesting statement in his introduction. He said, “Words do not have a meaning – they have a usage.” Of course they have a meaning and a definition, but he was pointing out a valuable lesson to would-be Bible teachers and preachers. You need not only know the definition of the words you use, but you must know the full range of their usage. Although my grammar is not always A+, I work overtime to extract the full meaning/usage of key words in my statements – more especially in this lesson. My closing statement last time was: “Maybe these words – image and glory - have a different connotation in Greek than they do in English.” I was trying to get out from under the full responsibility of being a male. I didn’t ask to be born a male, but having been selected by God to be one I had the responsibility to live as He intended all men to live. Read More

Part One: How To Identify Unresolved Anger and Resentments

Part One: How To Identify Unresolved Anger and Resentments

Unresolved anger and unresolved resentments are two major sources of unresolvable problems. In the previous article we labeled them as junk in our trunk. Unless we empty this trunk the contents spill over into many of our relationships. In a previous article we learned to forgive without forgetting. In this tool we will pull all of this together. We’ve examined the five levels of anger, namely; mild irritation, indignation, wrath, fury and rage as defined by Dr. James Dobson. It was noted indignation was a major obstacle in that it plays itself out as a slow burn or un-forgiveness.  Resentments are not that acutely defined. Resentments align themselves with seven levels of relationships. Before defining them we need to understand God’s divine line of authority as spelled out in 1st Corinthians 11:7. Read More

Life’s Four Tires: Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual

Life’s Four Tires: Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual

Like many vehicles human life, figuratively speaking, runs on four tires delineated as physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. To illustrate this principle consider a common occurrence – a vehicular flat tire. From this illustration we discern the human application. If, while driving an automobile, a flat tire occurs one of two things follows: The automobile becomes difficult to control We slow down and stop – if possible. In the worse case scenario, that is one cannot get out of the line of traffic, they must continue to keep pace with the flow of traffic. Continuing to run on a flat tire adds the risk of ruining other tires. One flat tire may ultimately become two or more flat tires. Read More

Words Set In Motion Those Things Which Are Spoken

Words Set In Motion Those Things Which Are Spoken

 Editor's Note: This is Part 9 of Reverend Lacy's ongoing series of Godly relationships and you can find the entire series under his page here. Proverbs 23:7a teaches:   “For as he (Hebrew:  a primary word, 3rd person pronoun,     singular, he (she or it) thinketh in his heart, so is he:….” This Proverb is Literal A psychology professor expressed it this way:  “Words set in motion those things which are spoken.” My forty years of teaching/counseling has proven this to be true whether we think this “in our heart” about our selves and others or express it verbally. Read More

What Is On the Inside of You Makes a Difference in What You Hear

What Is On the Inside of You Makes a Difference in What You Hear

What is on the inside of you makes a difference in what you hear. What you just read you are processing through what you know regarding this statement. As you read what I have written you will evaluate my knowledge on this subject. As you continue to read you will ultimately decide whether or not you can believe me, or more especially, whether or not you can trust me. There is nothing wrong with doing so. In fact, this is what should do. During thirty plus years of Bible-based counseling many have asked what have been my most difficult cases My answer is simple: Teaching biblical truth to those who have been indoctrinated with biblical untruth. Read More

Blame Keeps Wounds Open – Only Forgiveness Heals

Blame Keeps Wounds Open – Only Forgiveness Heals

This tool, coupled with the two preceding tools: Anger Wants Someone Else to Pay; and The Bowl that Holds the Acid (Anger) is Eaten by the Acid (Anger) creates a tremendous trio for those intent on solving problems and conquering anger. We must understand how blame keeps wounds open. Blame, like anger, operates on a continuum. Anger wants someone to pay. Blame is the continuation of extracting payments by playing the blame-game. It is said the oldest form of problem solving is blame shifting. Follow this account from Genesis 3:11-13: Read More

Communication: A Two-way Street

Communication: A Two-way Street

 It has long been stated opposites attract. The Number One reason for divorce is incompatibility. The Number One reason people come to New Hope Counseling Service, simply stated, is: We have a breakdown in communication. These scattered letters I, L, E, N, T, S are emblematic of two aspects of conversation. Unscrambled they spell Silent and Listen. In the realm of verbal communication what is said often comes across garbled. Hence we hear such responses as: “What did you say” “What do you mean” “Why are you saying that that way” In an automobile sales training class I learned a valuable lesson applicable and beneficial in all areas of life – personal, social and professional.  In the context of selling the lesson was: If you listen carefully the prospect will tell you how to sell them an automobile. Read More

Anger Management – God’s Way

Anger Management – God’s Way

We can change our actions faster than we can change our feelings. Love is not just feelings it is also actions. John 3:16 does not say, For God so loved the world that He felt good about us. God so loved the world He went into action regarding our need by giving. John 3:17, perhaps not as well known as 3:16 supports this problem-solving tool. “For God sent not his son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.” The following scenario illustrates changing actions faster than feelings and may have been experienced by some reading the following illustration: Feuding, fussing and verbally fighting Read More

How to Attack the Problem and Not the Person, Part II

How to Attack the Problem and Not the Person, Part II

Counselees, former and current, say this is the most valuable problem-solving tool in my problem-solving-tool-kit. And I agree.  This tool is built on the time tested proven axiom:  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  If we prevent problems from developing we do not need to seek a cure.  This tool is easiest taught in the context of husbands and wives. From these illustrations the tool can be adapted to fit many other areas where problems occur. Read More

How to Attack the Problem and Not the Person, Part I

How to Attack the Problem and Not the Person, Part I

As previously stated, every impact statement is a tool. This tool, however, is the first of three primary tools in this overall study on problem solving. It is built on the age-old premise: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. The best way to solve a problem is to prevent it from occurring. This approach is best applied when we understand the four primary sources of problems. Author’s Note: In Bible research I developed a tracking method I call The Rule of Proportion, i.e. how many times does a particular incident occur in Scripture. The Rule of Proportion gives an idea of the probability of similar events re-occuring. This is vital to understand in counseling as many often ask, “God, why did you let this happen to me” Read More