Narcissism and Pride

Criticize One, Celebrate the Other

By J. Jeff Toler for Shenandoah Christian Alliance  j.toler@sca4christ.org

• “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.”  —Proverbs 11:2

The topic of narcissism appears to be trending quite a lot lately. I’m not the only one to pick up on this either. My pastor pointed this out in his Sunday sermon, and it grabbed my attention—as all his sermons do, of course. I frequently hear Jordan Peterson talk about narcissism—and other psychological pathologies—in many of his interviews with fellow psychologists.

Yes, I listen frequently listen to Peterson. It’s possible to learn something from him if you can just hang in there with what only seems like him bloviating, but is really a powerhouse of from knowledge and wisdom.

Anthony Silard Ph.D

With regards to narcissism, Anthony Silard Ph.D., who blogs for Psychology Today, wrote this in a February 12, 2024, article, “Many people claim that the entire social media business model enables narcissistic people to thrive. Is this true?”

Answering his own question he admits, “As it turns out, this is precisely what is occurring. A University of Winnipeg study that analyzed every single Tweet posted by US members of Congress between 2009 and 2019 found that when they express more negative incivility toward others on social media, they receive more “likes” and re-tweets than when they post positive or neutral comments.” [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-art-of-living-free/202402/why-our-narcissism-is-growing]

The politician, and I’m confident this is true for many popular influencers, realizes his toxic posts garner far more popularity than those expressing positive feelings. Implied in these statements as much as anything else among the characteristics of a narcissist, are the sense of superiority, a lack of empathy, and the desire for manipulation and control. I’m not saying all politicians have these traits, but enough of them certainly do.

You will have already been aware of the growing hardness—even brittleness—of public discourse over the last 20 years or more. This is but one feature of a culture that is now fully captive to the smart technology of cellphones.

The overwhelming number of people who rely on them, have learned how the cellphone can hook us up to the massive online world of business, entertainment, and yes, politics—to name but a few. Cellphones are utterly ubiquitous. For most of us, we can’t be separated from them. Too late, we are only now paying any  attention to what this has been doing to us—but we can’t stop. We are captive. 

The resulting irony is this: social media is become increasingly unsociable. This has produced the rise, or at least that perception of the sociopathy of narcissism in our social construct. 

We would have seen this coming when all we had to do was just read the published comments that often follow news articles and commentary. Usually these people are not identified, because they hide behind their avatars for that reason.

But there is another element to this narcissistic trend. It involves the growing presence of militant social activists in a cultural collective—or as they prefer to call it, a community—like LGBGTQ. Compare how that word is defined in the original Webster’s Dictionary.) [https://webstersdictionary1828.com/Dictionary/community]

Our pastor made the observation in his sermon that nowhere in The Bible will we find the word narcissism. What we do find is a word closely associated with it: pride.

Within Christendom and western civilization, pride has been understood to be defined as either, authentic—a positive, healthy emotion linked to genuine accomplishment, or hubristic—an unhealthy, arrogant form of pride associated with conceit, superiority, aggression, and coercion.

“Gay Pride” would otherwise be an oxymoron were it not for the militancy it has acquired for itself. It’s now assumed that pride in being “gay” has social cachet. I wonder if most English speaking, civilized people have simply forgotten these original definitions, or if it has been conditioned out of them.

Ramani Durvasula, PhD

One clinical psychologist, Ramani Durvasula, PhD says, “There are sort of four pillars to narcissism. Lack of empathy, grandiosity, a chronic sense of entitlement, and a chronic need to seek out admiration from other people and validation from other people.”

This last point would explain why someone who pursues an otherwise socially unacceptable lifestyle, or an emotional urge, can find a place among others and urge them to validate him.

I would of course, remind you that I’m not a psychologist, and I may be crossing a line just sharing these discoveries. These are very polarizing times we live in to be sure. People are becoming more militant about their political and cultural beliefs. “Everything is political” we could say. 

There’s a very good reason narcissism, or pride, shows up in political and social issues.

They have, over time, become deeply connected to personal identity. For many people, it’s not just what they believe—it’s who they are. Challenge someone’s beliefs and it’s a personal attack.

As we’ve already discovered, social media platforms—like X, Facebook, or TikTok—amplify everything. The narcissist will feel right at home with them.

Because people prefer to surround themselves with the like-minded, online algorithms will feed us content that aligns with our beliefs. Because of this, many seek reinforcement, then paint others as more extreme than they might actually be if they don’t agree with them. This is called an echo chamber.

Finally, there is a real loss of trust in the media, the government, science, and sadly, even the church. People who have a defective or missing moral compass will seek out the truth in their own “tribes” for the validation too many of us eventually come to crave.

The appeal of the 90’s sitcom, “Cheers,” a fictitious bar in the Beacon Hill neighborhood in Boston, was because of the successful premise that people gathered there to be with other people—like minded or not. In my opinion, the show would likely not succeed with audiences today.

Divisions today are far more pronounced, issues more exploitative, and people are more troubled by their pathologies. This construct won’t allow for comedic relief. Too many among us are too sensitive and easily triggered for that.

This is only a theory, but this is the sociological territory the narcissist prefers to haunt. For among those who are not narcissistic, the worst response would be to show empathy.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQc2G64w5ow] 

The Bible is very clear on pride: God hates it.

• “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.” —Mark 7:20–23

Photo by Mercedes Mehling on Unsplash