Part One: How To Identify Unresolved Anger and Resentments

Tom C Lacy cropped

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Unresolved anger and unresolved resentments are two major sources of unresolvable problems. In the previous article we labeled them as junk in our trunk. Unless we empty this trunk the contents spill over into many of our relationships. In a previous article we learned to forgive without forgetting. In this tool we will pull all of this together.

We’ve examined the five levels of anger, namely; mild irritation, indignation, wrath, fury and rage as defined by Dr. James Dobson. It was noted indignation was a major obstacle in that it plays itself out as a slow burn or un-forgiveness.

 Resentments are not that acutely defined. Resentments align themselves with seven levels of relationships. Before defining them we need to understand God’s divine line of authority as spelled out in 1st Corinthians 11:7.

Establishing a biblical doctrine based on one verse requires teaching the verse in context. False teaching comes when verses are taught out of context. This is a passage I rarely hear preached or taught, but it has positively impacted our counselling ministry since learning this in 1986.

This is, in a sense, complicated because it is not often taught. In fact, it is often taught incorrectly. But it is clear to those seeking to know the truth regarding God’s divine line of authority and the male role of responsibility as a Christian Believer who is the head of a household.

 First and foremost, 1st Corinthians is a letter of correction. Romans, and many other letters to churches and individuals, are primarily letters of instruction. Yes, we can take instruction from a letter of correction, but the tone of the letter sets the purpose of its intent or message.

The tone of Paul’s letter is set in Chapter 1: 11: “For it hath been declared unto me of you, my brethren, by them which are of the house of Chlo’e, that there are contentions among you.” Paul then names the specific contentions and divisions needing correcting.

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In Chapter 7:1 Paul addresses the immediate situation i.e., the reason this group from the church at Corinth sought his answers to their questions: “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me…”

(This is not a passage on equality. The Bible addresses equality in Genesis 2:27: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him, male and female created he them.” In mathematics, quantities equal to the same quantity are equal to each other. A pound of cotton weighs as much as a pound of lead regardless of their appearance. In God’s sight males and females are equal in value even if not exact in their appearance.)

It is a passage (in context) on responsibility and authority. This is an illustration of Paul correcting error in the church at Corinth. Paul spells this out clearly in Chapter 11:3: “But I would have you know, the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”

God as the head of Christ is not a dictator of Christ. The man (husband) as the head of the woman (wife) is not a dictator of the woman. This is a passage defining responsibility and, among other things, shows how this affects transferring resentments. Our focus verse is Chapter 11:7.

This is a biblical explanation of the active line of authority within the family. It is complicated in one sense, but it gives clear vision to those who can see the full truth and thus apply it. I can best explain this in the first-person voice.

In 1986 I learned a lesson at age 52 I should have learned at age 22 when my first child was born. I was one of about 125 men attending a workshop, The Role of the Man in the Family, taught by David McLaughlin. (David has given me permission to teach this material exactly as he teaches it.)

When David recited 1st Corinthians 11:7: “For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, for as much as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man,” I thought, David, what are you telling me? Are you telling that the way my family sees me is the way they see God? Each man in that room must have asked himself that same question, for David paused and said, “No men, I’m not telling you anything: God’s Word is telling you this.”

I didn’t like what I was hearing. I had not always been the image of God to my family. I was looking for a way out. David was talking fast. My thoughts were preventing me from hearing his teaching. I decided to look up the words image and glory in my Greek dictionary. Maybe these words had a different connotation in Greek than in English. I did that upon arriving home. I got no relief.

            Part Two next time.

Tom C Lacy croppedRev. Thomas (Tom) C. Lacy, Advisory Board Member of the Virginia Christian Alliance and Founder and Director, of New Hope Counseling Service.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views the Virginia Christian Alliance

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