The Number-one reason married couples come to New Hope Counseling Service simply stated is: “We have a breakdown in communication.”
Unless you are out of touch with the community around you, it is a known that the break down in the family structure has reached epidemic proportions.
Although not playing the blame game through the following reminder, Scripture is clear that the husband/father is the Spiritual leader in the family structure. He, of course, is to be supported fully by his wife the mother of their children. Often times she is the primary parent exercising direct supervision over the children.
Bible-based ground rules are antidotes for these ailments, needless to say, when properly applied by each family member. It is also a known fact that attitudes filter down from the top.
My father taught this by laying down basic ground rules to govern our household. Two of his primary rules were: (1) Peace at home is peace with Jesus. (2) There will be peace in my house.
While expounding on this in counseling, I often get the response, “You must have been reared in the Cleaver-household.”
“No, we were a real family, and this can happen in your family also if you adopt the following rules.”
Six Biblical Ground Rules for the Family
If we cannot agree we will not be disagreeable.
Granted, this is sometimes easier said than done, but remember the adage: Practice makes perfect.
We should expect a man and a woman to bring different perspectives into a marriage relationship. One of the most obvious and exciting facts about the male and the female is that they are different.
To be different is not necessarily to be wrong or to be in opposition to another. Different can mean to be better.
A husband’s perspective combined with his wife’s perspective can ultimately become their perspective. Genesis 2:24 re-enforces this conclusion: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.” That is to imply to be of one perspective.
(Over the next several weeks we will learn how to apply these six ground rules. Here in we will state the principles.)
We will never be without problems but we need never be without a solution,
Shakespeare said it this way: “Sorrows (problems) come not single spies, but in battalions.” Another truism attests: the harder I try the behinder I get. A still familiar lament from a past television series puts these words to verse: “If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.”
Needless to say, perhaps we have all been there; and in ad0pting the unique One Flesh marriage relationship couples will experience new challenges in the area of problem solving.
But we need never be without a solution. (More on this later.)
There is always a certain amount of right and a certain amount of wrong on both sides of every issue.
Understanding and applying this rule will greatly reduce arguments in any relationship more especially between husbands and their wife which ultimately trickles down to other family members.
Usually fierce verbal battles revolve around the issue of who is most right and who is most wrong. (More on this later.)
Problems are solutions in disguise.
Whether you are a counselor, whether you are single, a newly-wed, married for years or have attained many years of experiences in your lifetime, you face in life one ultimate truth: You will never be without problems, yet you never need to be without a solution to your problem(s).
A definite plan for dealing with problems can insure a happier more sound marriage relationship and other relationships also. (More on this later.)
The hardest thing to give is IN.
Giving in is not giving up. Giving in is not reaching a compromise. Giving in is taking the first step to reconciliation – cooperating with these Six Biblical Ground Rules for the Family. (More on this later.)
Don’t build divorce into your marriage
In divorce there are no winners. In reconciliation there are no losers. (More on this later.)
Rev. Thomas (Tom) C. Lacy, Advisory Board Member of the Virginia Christian Alliance and Founder and Director, of New Hope Counseling Service.