All we have learned thus far regarding problem solving and dealing with communication breakdowns are applicable between husbands and wives. However, the arena in the marriage relationship is different from any other arena of human relationships.
Dr. Ed Wheat, M.D. in his classic book, Love Life, for Every Married Couple © 1980, makes a most declarative statement regarding marriage:
“Marriage must begin with a leaving of all other relationships in order to establish a permanent relationship between one man and one woman.
“’Therefor shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh’ ’ (Genesis 2:24).
“God gave this three-part commandment at the beginning as He ordained the institution of marriage. It remains the most concise and comprehensive counseling session ever presented on marriage. If you will notice, the words are almost all one-syllable words in the English – plain words, easily understood, in spite of their infinite depth of meaning.
“These twenty-two words sum up the entire teaching of Scripture on marriage.”
And sadly, verse 25 does not say, “And they both lived happily ever after.” In fact, immediately following was the first communication breakdown problem between a husband and his wife.
To support the thesis of this lesson, problem solving is different between husband and wife, a brief word study of key words in this verse is warranted.
“Therefore shall a man…;” a man as an individual or a male person.
“…and shall cleave unto his wife…;” a woman.
“…and they shall be one flesh…;” to unify. properly united, i.e. one.
All this is stated to say that after saying, “I do,” in a marriage between a man (born a male) and a woman (born a female) there is created by God a one-flesh relationship that is totally unique.
Under these conditions, this is the only one flesh relationship that can exist between two human beings. This is the reason it can be said problem solving is different in marriage than in any other relationship.
To set the stage for this phase of teaching, several statements will be enlightening as to why the husband and the wife are different.
While going through my teen years, my dad used to tell me this:
The girl you date is not the girl you marry.
Teen years are confusing enough, and I really did not think this was great counsel coming from my father to his son. But, as usual, he was right. And after marrying my wife I discovered early on that the guy she dated was not the guy she married. And here is why:
Love may be blind, but very often
Love begins to see – after marriage.
Next Time: Know what makes your spouse TICK not what Ticks your spouse.
Rev. Thomas (Tom) C. Lacy, Advisory Board Member of the Virginia Christian Alliance and Founder and Director, of New Hope Counseling Service and on the Board of Advisors of the Virginia Christian Alliance